Mango, Mugs, and Midnight Musings

Alliteration is a struggle at this hour. Surpirse! It's midnight. I'm living the dream. Little responsibility, a small plate containing sliced mango, a black I❤️NY mug of yellow tea, and the title to an article already murdered within the first paragraph.

A stuffy head cold, along with two undeniable questions, has nearly swiped sleep off my radar for the foreseeable future.

Undeniable question 1: Why am I bothering to eat ‘over-sun-ripened' mango?

Undeniable question 2: Would I indeed I❤️NY if gifted the chance of introduction?

I've had time to think. The past engulfs me, and I just can't resist the temptation to bash myself with each little regrets. They seemed harmless, but now- oh why did I ever? Many times, the phrase '“Leave the past in the past" has served its purpose of reminding retrospective minds to squash the life out of now, instead of using now to clench the old with greedy fingers, searching for ways to prove that we were horrid humans, or a smidge better than average (just a little, of course) or maybe too loud, too selfish, or just plain dumb.

You've read countless articles with the same street name as this one. I'll spare you more. But I wonder- as a youngster who's seeking balance on learning from hindsight versus hugging the present of present til nigh exhausted- how are we teens supposed to do this?

We're supposed to give ourselves grace for all blunderings, love ourselves so we can love others, try to become more responsible, and yet pour in the pressure for completely enjoying our lives now. Remember what every single 35+ year old tongue admonishes? “Don't toss your teen years!”

So, once again, how do we do this?

“Now's your chance to travel.” Umm, ok, well, you see, that takes money.

“You’ll never regret it.” Sure I won't when next car payment is due and I'm plumb broke?

“Aw, come on, you're only young once!” Right, and you’re only full of wisdom once, too. Keep it coming.

Oh, my dear fellow 18-year-olds! Are we actually gonna regret trying our best? Is that the only way to feel few regrets? I don't care if life gets messy, if the occasional mango brings rotten flashbacks, if I momentarily overdramatize historic failures, or if I❤️NY is potentially incorrect.

Notwithstanding, I do have a massive fear of ‘missing it completely.’ What if every detail that interests me today has no value for the battles of tomorrow? What if I'm taking things far too serious now and I'll laugh scornfully at my stupidity (sorry for using that word, mom) in later years. Or what if I shamefully wail while my house built on sand crashed to a grim heap of no second chances?

I'm afraid the answer to this lies in a difficult position: others. Maybe, just being nice is all that I really need to think of. Whether it be slamming down the hatch on that careless whisper of “She did this" or grabbing at a random conversation with the neighbor lady, is it possible that boosting others up the ladder is enough for now?

Later on, this pack of 18 year-olds will find partners, better jobs, and a (hopefully) more useful way to waste time than worrying about doing enough. And if we don't, than at least we'll be good at it and have sufficient evidence of grounded fears.

This is my wish. If there is another ‘big kid’ out strolling earth's highways and feeling dead sure that there's something more you should be exerting more effort towards, take my word; mangoes turn rotten, tea succumbs to indoor temps, and this old world aches for love.

Sometimes, that's truly all we've got to offer.